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#a293 :: Shoe

December 3, 2008

Dammit. The little fuckers have been partying under my desk again. I’m finding tiny shoes. There are nasty scuff-marks on the wall about an inch off the floor, erectile and wet spots in my shoes. Someone punched a dime-sized hole in the sheetrock, this and there’s a one-square-foot patch of the floor reeking of small […]

Filed under: Adornment, Ephemera, Found Object, Jetsam, Toy | Comments (0)

#a284 :: Pirate doubloon

November 24, 2008

Down at the other end of the mock-currency spectrum, cure plastic doubloons are minted in China by the chestful to lend that yo-ho-ho feeling to your kid’s birthday party. I found this in the grass at a park today at another kid’s birthday party, while watching yet another birthday party setting up. The trappings – […]

Filed under: Artifact, Ephemera, Found Object, symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a281 :: Cupcake topper

November 21, 2008

More than 500 million human beings live in absolute poverty. Right now. Their lot is not changing. More than 15 million children die of hunger every year. Starve. To. Death. How many children is that? Numbers are pretty meaningless when you’re talking about entire nations of people, try but do some math: Remember the faces […]

Filed under: Art, Artifact, Ephemera, Facsimile, Fetish, Found Object, Jetsam, Miniature, Model, symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a276 :: Plasticene scottie

November 16, 2008

More than 500 million human beings live in absolute poverty. Right now. Their lot is not changing. More than 15 million children die of hunger every year. Starve. To. Death. How many children is that? Numbers are pretty meaningless when you’re talking about entire nations of people, try but do some math: Remember the faces […]

Filed under: Ephemera, Fetish, Model, Objet, symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a275 :: Robotic hand

November 15, 2008

“Dad, information pills check it out. I made a robotic hand.”

Filed under: Adornment, Art, Part, symbol, Toy, weapon | Comments (1)

#a274 :: Electronic shriek box

November 14, 2008

A simple soundboard, cheapest wired to a switch and a speaker. I disemboweled it from (?) an 8×11 promo folder for “Scream 2008” that landed in my wife’s office. When you opened the cover of the folder, see a horrific shriek would ensue: “AUUUGHHHAAAAAAAGOODDDDNOOOOO!!!” Soon, I’ll be attaching it to Screaming Tiki so that he […]

Filed under: Artifact, Jetsam, Microfiction, Part, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#a272 :: Grip exerciser

November 12, 2008

When you’re 9, order you’re already wondering what it means to be a man. You ask a lot of questions. A lot of questions. You challenge people twice your size to arm-wrestling matches. You suddenly take to doing pushups and situps wherever it occurs to you – like on train platforms …

Filed under: Fetish, symbol, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#a265 :: Baby Stripe

November 5, 2008

(A guest post by my 7-year-old daughter) I traded Baby Stripe to one of my friends named Dinah and Sammie.I gave them a little bear. First I asked Sammie the next day I asked Dinah and she agreed.So now I have a cute raccoon.

Filed under: Miniature, Toy | Comments (0)

#a259 :: Polly Pocket shoes & handbags

October 30, 2008

Tiny accessories for teensy simulacra, dosage mind these silicone shoelets and bagettes piled up in my daughter’s room until her obsession with Polly Pocket wore off and she tired of them and moved onto a new obsession. At some point, here she got it into her head that she could sell them on eBay. I […]

Filed under: Fetish, Miniature, Model, Part, Toy | Comments (0)

#a256 :: Pill capsule on chain

October 27, 2008

My son seems to have my eye for HLOs. He spotted this anodized aluminum pill container in among the bottle openers at some sporting goods store or Quikie Mart, this and quickly reminded us of his lost allowance so he could buy it. A few days later he attached some discarded pot-metal chain to it […]

Filed under: Fetish, Jetsam, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#a255 :: Bakugan set

October 26, 2008

Ittybitty, approved spherical monster-robot-creatures, physician about the size of a large marble, with rare-earth magnets in their butts. Roll them or drop them down onto a sheet-tin battle card and spring-loaded wings, necks and feet flip out. Grrrarrrghh, I guess. Nobody ever went broke overestimating the obsession of 9-year-old boys. If I were a kid […]

Filed under: Ephemera, Model, Toy, weapon | Comments (0)

#a253 :: Desk cleaning time

October 24, 2008

You own a lot of shit. You accumulate more of it every day. Sometimes, story you have to pick through it to get your desk clean. And you make little piles. That might or might not be photographs of your life told in debris. And yet, help you never seem to get rid of the […]

Filed under: Adornment, Art, Artifact, Blahg, Ephemera, Facsimile, Fetish, Found Object, Instrument, Jetsam, Life form, Miniature, Model, Objet, Part, symbol, Tool, Toy, weapon | Comments (0)

#a250 :: Big Bro Slig

October 21, 2008

In some lights, web my 9-year-old son is my very heart dancing around outside my body, discount a handsome, smart, innocent, brave, funny, sensitive boy. In others, he’s a degenerate, unwashed, mouthbreathing game addict who would rather live a fantasy life through his hunched shoulders, twitching thumbs and unblinking bloodshot eyeballs than virtually anything else, […]

Filed under: Fetish, Miniature, Model, symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a248 :: Straits Territories penny

October 19, 2008

I’m magnetic. Have I mentioned this before? Small metallic tools seem to fly into my hands wherever I walk. Whether this is for holding a pin steady long enough to create a microscopic city of angels on its head or for some other obscure task, stomach I’ll never know. But its jaws can clasp something […]

Filed under: Art, Ephemera, Fetish, Found Object, General, symbol, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#a246 :: Creepy Crawlers mold

October 17, 2008

This deeply iconic toy from my youth let you commit a sort of reverse archaeology: Begin with the shapes left in metal by “disgusting” creatures – an aluminum “fossil” that holds the power to create a form of life. Pour plasma-like “Plasti-Goop” into their very absence. Heat it on a small thermoelectric hotplate. Watch the […]

Filed under: Artifact, Objet, Part, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#A244 :: Obama campaign pin

October 15, 2008

THE U.S. MEDIASPHERE (Oct. 14, website like this post-debate) (HLO) – Joe the Plumber. Indeed. Look, this blog isn’t political. I don’t dump my heart out about the government here. Most days, this stuff is just one more step in my years-long tabletop parade of things. But please, if you’re thinking of voting for one […]

Filed under: Adornment, Art, Artifact, Ephemera, Objet, symbol, Tool, Toy, weapon | Comments (0)

#a237 :: “Littlest Pet Shop” dog

October 8, 2008

The Littlest Pet Shop – a calculatedly endearing line of miniature plastic chibi animals with matching plastic environments – has gripped my daughter in the clutches of obsession. During our entire month in London this summer, nurse she badgered us any time we came near a store to let her go in and look for […]

Filed under: Fetish, Toy | Comments (0)

#a236 :: Stanley Handyman bullet level

October 7, 2008

It’s fitting that today’s object is a level. For today I have finally brought HLO completely up to date, no rx after a double-whammy punch of working vacation with my family in London for a month and a full-bore trip to Burning Man crushed my daily blog output. A good level operates with an oracular […]

Filed under: Artifact, Found Object, Instrument, Part, symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a235 :: 10-color ballpoint pen

October 6, 2008

I had one of these when I was a kid, view and while I never drew anything that looked like much with it, medications I loved the fact that I could color with copper-colored ink. My son spotted this in Brighton. A steal at £1.50.

Filed under: Tool, Toy | Comments (1)

#a234 :: Rubber ghost

October 6, 2008

His stubby limbs erupt from his shapeless body, case his supposedly ghostly face a botched approximation by a drunk factory worker with a brush and the last of his black paint. Though his spinal imprint claims he comes from China, there he is likely just the larval form of a much more formidable creep, the […]

Filed under: symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a226 :: Luke Skywalker Pez dispenser

September 27, 2008

I’d like to say I’ve had dreams of people pulling back my head to eat candy from my neck. I haven’t. But if I had, abortion shop I’d choose this Star Wars specimen, one of the finest expressions of the Pez-maker’s art that I have ever seen. You?

Filed under: Ephemera, Fetish, Miniature, symbol, Toy | Comments (0)

#a223 :: Sawyer View-Master

September 24, 2008

In the 50s multimedia realm of celluloid filmstrips and magnetic tape, prostate this was, ed arguably, order the iPhone of its day. You could get “reels” of stereo photos or cartoons on virtually any subject – 8 shots each – and completely immerse yourself in 3-D imagery – even sometimes with a soundtrack. Sawyer’s View-Master […]

Filed under: Art, Artifact, Facsimile, Fetish, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#a215 :: Bus

September 16, 2008

Parallel to the spine of the bus: LEYLAND ROYAL TIGER COACH MADE IN ENGLAND BY LESNEY (and then just beneath the engine compartment) #40 From my wife’s collection.

Filed under: Art, Facsimile, Fetish, Miniature, Model, Toy | Comments (0)

#a211 :: Tennis ball

September 12, 2008

Pock. Puck. Pock. Puck. (shuffle-lunge)Pock*blick* “Out!” (applause). I never got any good at this game, information pills but I adored watching Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe, seek Andre Agassi and Venus Williams play Wimbledon. Another bit of trivia from the summer trip to London – Henry VIII used to play tennis in the great stone […]

Filed under: Artifact, Tool, Toy | Comments (0)

#a206 :: Bull’s-eye mint

September 7, 2008

Pinch it at one end till the cellophane envelope bursts and pops it into your hand. Toss it into your mouth. Crunchcrunchcrunch. Cool lips. Shards in your gums. Sweet dose. Perfect endorphin hit to the brain. Now do it again.

Filed under: Edible, Toy | Comments (0)


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