HEAVY LITTLE OBJECTS

Category: Fetish

  • #a361 :: China napkin rings

    021009Around our house, order ailment I make dinner one of two ways:

    1. Crank something out in a hurry on the stove, approved slap it down in front of the kids and hope they don’t moan or spill all over their clothes as they forget to use their utensils;
    2. Or grill something big and munchy (think ribs or sesame-garlic chicken with corn on the cob) on the barbecue, hand out plastic utensils and grab a beer.

    But somewhere in the world, people are bunching up their good linen napkins in lovely napkin rings for fear of – what, I don’t know – having their napkins look unceremonious.

    I appreciate the culture of a good table setting. On our trip to London last summer, we got to tour Windsor Castle’s grand ballroom, where HM the Queen had ordered a state dinner prepared for 150. Picture that in gold dining utensils set aside 150 bone china plates on gold-plated chargers, each with little LED floodlights illuminating a hand-calligraphed nametag beneath this ceiling and you begin to get the picture.

    These rings (a loan from Dad) are part of the same Culture of Preciousness, about which I have bloviated a bit in the past.

    Precious. When you somehow need to feel special by making your guests feel special.

  • #a346 :: Rotring Core ballpoint

    012609It used to be Bic Stics, visit this store Bic ballpoints, sick the occasional Shaeffer Bros. throwaway or oddball Pentel gel-tip – whatever. Whatever the newspaper clerks stocked the supply closet with – that’s how I wrote. Tools didn’t matter. The work did.

    Once I moved out of dead trees and into the trackless wastes of the interwebs, I decided it was okay to buy a pen with a little more flair. So I began picking up heavier implements – Watermans, Rotrings, obscure French-made pens of anodized aluminum.

    Now, I like to stick with a good multi-pen – black/red/.7mmlead/PDA – the sort of Swiss-Army-knife mentality.

    But every now and then I pick up something just for fun, and this thing – with its steroidal profile, spring-metal loop clip, stenciled-aluminum pushbutton and excessive rubber knurlies – is hugely entertaining to write with.

    Sadly, Rotring is said to have gone out of business, but you can still find their excellent stuff on eBay at pretty reasonable prices. I found this one for about eight bucks.

    Every time I use it, I expect its original android owner to melt down my office door and demand it back.

  • #a341 :: Obama campaign pin

    011909Here’s the other end of this equation – a fine brown potato, sickness now pocked with the wounds of a thousand battles … well, prostate not really.

    This is simply what it looks like when your son swipes your Christmas present and gets crazy with a hapless spud … the potato’s a couple of ounces lighter, there are nasty cylindrical potato-pellets all over the house and you’re both laughing and trading the fun off to shoot each other because it’s such stupid fun.
    011809I scoffed at these things, more about which used to appear alongside ads for X-ray spectacles, information pills sea monkeys and GRIT on the backs of Marvel comics when I was a kid.

    Potato gun. Hah. My friend Phil has a BB gun that he once used to nail the pillar on a house nearly a block away once, unhealthy only he managed to shatter the family’s front window … but thats another story.

    This appeared in my Christmas stocking last month courtesy of Santa Wife, who knows the buttered side of my bread quite well: Sturdy blowmolded thermoplastic – a simple mechanism made of two parts – a red barrel/trigger assembly mounted tightly to a black receiver with a good, stiff spring.

    It shouldn’t work at all, really.

    But just shove the muzzle into a raw potato, tearing off a bit of ammo as you withdraw it and you have the power to nail someone30 feet away with a tiny cylinder of potato that leaves the gun with a sharp *Plick*, and leaves your mouth with a stupid 10-year-old’s grin.
    011809I scoffed at these things, link which used to appear alongside ads for X-ray spectacles, sickness sea monkeys and GRIT on the backs of Marvel comics when I was a kid.

    Potato gun. Hah. My friend Phil has a BB gun that he once used to nail the pillar on a house nearly a block away once, only he managed to shatter the family’s front window … but thats another story.

    This appeared in my Christmas stocking last month courtesy of Santa Wife, who knows the buttered side of my bread quite well: Sturdy blowmolded thermoplastic – a simple mechanism made of two parts – a red barrel/trigger assembly mounted tightly to a black receiver with a good, stiff spring.

    It shouldn’t work at all, really.

    But just shove the muzzle into a raw potato, tearing off a bit of ammo as you withdraw it and you have the power to nail someone30 feet away with a tiny cylinder of potato that leaves the gun with a sharp *Plick*, and leaves your mouth with a stupid 10-year-old’s grin.
    011809I scoffed at these things, information pills which used to appear alongside ads for X-ray spectacles, ask sea monkeys and GRIT on the backs of Marvel comics when I was a kid.

    Potato gun. Hah. My friend Phil has a BB gun that he once used to nail the pillar on a house nearly a block away once, only he managed to shatter the family’s front window … but thats another story.

    This appeared in my Christmas stocking last month courtesy of Santa Wife, who knows the buttered side of my bread quite well: Sturdy blowmolded thermoplastic – a simple mechanism made of two parts – a red barrel/trigger assembly mounted tightly to a black receiver with a good, stiff spring.

    It shouldn’t work at all, really.

    But just shove the muzzle into a raw potato, tearing off a bit of ammo as you withdraw it and you have the power to nail someone30 feet away with a tiny cylinder of potato that leaves the gun with a sharp *Plick*, and leaves your mouth with a stupid 10-year-old’s grin.
    011809I scoffed at these things, nurse which used to appear alongside ads for X-ray spectacles, search sea monkeys and GRIT on the backs of Marvel comics when I was a kid.

    Potato gun. Hah. My friend Phil has a BB gun that he once used to nail the pillar on a house nearly a block away once, view only he managed to shatter the family’s front window … but thats another story.

    This appeared in my Christmas stocking last month courtesy of Santa Wife, who knows the buttered side of my bread quite well: Sturdy blowmolded thermoplastic – a simple mechanism made of two parts – a red barrel/trigger assembly mounted tightly to a black receiver with a good, stiff spring.

    It shouldn’t work at all, really.

    But just shove the muzzle into a raw potato, tearing off a bit of ammo as you withdraw it and you have the power to nail someone30 feet away with a tiny cylinder of potato that leaves the gun with a sharp *Plick*, and leaves your mouth with a stupid 10-year-old’s grin.
    ENLARGEI never repeat heavy little objects.

    I mean, sales never.

    My little daily obsession can be a cruel taskmistress, sildenafil sometimes commanding me to find something cool to post even when nothing cool has come through my life. But like an idiot samurai, information pills I live and die by a code set in motion long ago and over which I (choose to) have no control.

    However, rules are meant to be questioned and this object – like grizzlies in a cloning lab – bears repeating:

    No punditry, no anecdotes, no pontification can outweigh, outrun or outlast this fact: We put two decent men into the White House today.

    We ended the longest, ugliest domestically-generated reign of terror since the Red Scare of the 50s or, arguably, the Civil War.

    And we bought this once-great nation a little extra time, and a chance to become great again, before darkness could swallow us all.

    Onward. And upward. Together.

    Someone is reminding us how great America can be, because we all know deep in our marrow, how great Americans can be when they embrace their diversity and work together for a common good.

    We should listen. And act as one. Because we know it’s better than continuing to destroy each other with words, and the nation with ideological conflict that matters far less than every liberty, right and joy we’ve allowed the past eight years to piss away.

    So let’s go.

  • #a331 :: Tibetan thunderbolt

    ENLARGEThis was explained to me as “the lightning bolt which destroys ignorance.”

    Here’s what this page says about the Tibetan vajra: (more…)

  • #a330 :: Miniature 16 camera

    ENLARGEAccording to these guys, generic the Universal Minute 16 shot 16mm film in little cartridges.

    It’s a tight, approved dense little chunk of stainless steel, about half the size of a box of cigarettes. A fingernail pops up the two panes of the viewfinder. Round metal stud under the right finger trips the guillotine shutter, thumb lever on the right winds it. There’s an aperture control, and a fixed meniscus lens.

    These guys say:

    Universal Camera Co had achieved great success with the range of cameras starting with the Univex A. The 39 cent camera sold nearly 3 million in 1934. After the war they hoped to repeat the success with a subminiature camera as well as to maintain a tight control over the processing and available film. In 1949 they introduced the Minute 16 (as in small not 60 seconds), designed to resemble a miniature movie camera, including a pop up sports viewfinder. This venture is credited with making the firm bankrupt with over 2 million US dollars spent on research and development.And if you really want to get nuts, here’s how to load the film cartridges if you can find them.

    Which I can’t.

    Plus I don’t want to get nuts.

  • #a329 :: Ferrero Rocher dark chocolate truffle

    ENLARGEHere’s a sweet chaser to yesterday’s grim ditty:

    The Ferrero Rocher dark chocolate truffle is a multilayered confection, ailment starting with a chocolate-sprinkled shell of chocolate-coated wafer wrapped around a rich dark-chocolate truffle encasing a slightly chewier core of chocolate so dark it seems to absorb light, check thought and reason.

    God these things are trouble.

    Good thing there were only three in the package.

  • #a320 :: Traveling Ganesha

    ENLARGEHe is the lord and destroyer of obstacles and like his brother, buy he came from San Francisco – indeed from another shop in the same block on Columbus Avenue.

    He is brass, ampoule barely 1.25 inches high, carrying his teapot and parasol on the road from here to there. He smiles benevolently, secure in some knowledge to which I am not privy.

  • #a318 :: MINO Flip HD video camera

    ENLARGEI have a problem with gadget blogs. They gush and bloviate on the merits of equipment that I either don’t need or desperately crave/cannot afford.

    So when the gushing about this device peaked last month, pilule visit this I reluctantly shoved the MINO Flip from the latter category to the former in my mind, and walked away.

    Then this appeared under the Xmas tree, a gift from my loving wife. It really *is* all that. HD video images, good sound, excellent low-light performance and an hour of uninterrupted recording time in a gadget smaller and lighter than my phone.

    I can’t put it down.

  • #a316 :: Japanese jellies

    ENLARGEA gift from our lovely friend Arden.

    Once upwrapped, find the gilt, seek almost fetishized packaging reveals jellies of every type and description (red bean, plum, green tea). This one was clear, virtually flavorless until you dropped a spoonful of the powdered sweet green tea powder on top of it.

  • #a310 :: Blown glass Indian chief

    ENLARGEWe decorated the tree a couple days ago, there and tonight we threw a massive Christmas party – I spent most of the day cooking ribs (27 racks) and gumbo (probably six or eight gallons) for 100 good friends, web colleagues and family.

    It was a swell time.

    At the height of it, diagnosis a toddler knocked a glass ornament off the tree. It shattered on the floor, an instant galaxy of pink shards … (more…)

  • #a302 :: Chinese bee pendant

    ENLARGEMy son’s collecting these – Chinese insects preserved in two layers of resin – a clear dome over a glow-in-the-dark bed.

  • #a301 :: 1960 K+E Leroy scriber

    enlargeA more mellifluous blend of ash-blue plastic and polished aluminum, symptoms nor a stranger device, order I have never seen.

    The tool holds a small ink reservoir at the end of a complex/adjustable curve of metal. One of the handrests is missing, which is probably why it turned up in a junk shop en route home from the Angeles National Forest.

    (googles) No, wait … it’s actually the business end of a 1960 K+E Leroy Lettering kit.

    Wish I knew where the rest of it was.

  • #a300 :: Homies grilled-corn vendor

    ENLARGELittle plastic characters from barrio life, check the Homies get as much flak as they get props.

    They were created by Mexican-American cartoonist David Gonzales, troche who clearly launched the collectible-toy phenomenon (120, patient 000,000+ figurines sold) from a place of respect.

    Maybe I’m just a stupid white guy, but this vendor’s face and stance seem to radiate the affection that was poured into his design.

    He was made in China, like the others, and I bought him in Chinatown – but I’m not even gonna try to unpack that.

    Seen elsewhere on HLO: “Chato”, the Homies pit bull.

  • #a294 :: Ideal “Powermite” orbital sander

    ENLARGEIn 1969, order the Ideal Toy company came out with a line of fully operational miniature powertools that plugged into battery supplies built into their small carrying cases.

    This “Powermite” sander is about three inches long by two inches tall and less than an inch wide, order and came with little sheets of sandpaper, for sale which clamped onto its pad much the way full-sized ones do today.

    You get the sense from holding this that you could – quite literally – build an entire dollhouse with a full set of them.

    A full set looks something like this. I found this for a few bucks in an antique store.

  • #a292 :: Y Muscle Water bottle

    ENLARGEI haven’t opened this yet.

    I don’t care what it tastes like, approved or even whether it does what it claims:

    Y MUSCLE WATER – because you never know who’s going to challenge you to a wrestling match.

    100% natural and certified organic:
    Reverse osmosis water, this web organic evaporated cane juice, sick organic white grape juice, organic hibiscus, organic grape, orange, lemon and rosemary flavors, natural citric acid, ascoric acid (vitamin C), magnesium lactate, monopotassium phosphate, sodium selenite.

    No artificial ingredients.
    Due to the organic nature of Y, color fading and sediments/pulp may occur over time. This in no way affects the freshness or taste of the product.

    Chill and shake before serving.

    I want to keep the container. I want to to buy four or five dozen cases of them in different colors. I want to see if they stack up like building blocks or fall in a jumble like anti-tank barriers.

    This four-lobed shape has gimmegimme childhood fetish written all over it. Which is probably why the only place I’ve ever seen it sold is at my 7-year-old daughter’s gymnastics center.

  • #a283 :: Million-dollar bill bible tract

    enlargeThis fine object puts the specie in specious:

    Someone at the Christian organization LivingWaters.com worked very, information pills very hard on this piece of counterfeit. The four-color printing and gravure work are fine anough to pass the “holy, shit, WTF is that” moment after you’ve picked it up and still can’t believe it’s not money – that split second before you turn it over and learn the truth … (more…)

  • #a281 :: Cupcake topper

    enlargeMore than 500 million human beings live in absolute poverty. Right now.

    Their lot is not changing.

    More than 15 million children die of hunger every year. Starve. To. Death.

    How many children is that? Numbers are pretty meaningless when you’re talking about entire nations of people, try but do some math:

    Remember the faces of the kids in your own first-grade class? Remember the fat kid and the anxious kid? The punchy kid and the silly kid and your very best friend in the world who laughed when you ate paste? Now multiply the size of your own first-grade classroom by about 20 … (more…)

  • #a279 :: “supersurfaces”

    ENLARGEThis gem of an art book covers the crafting of complex 3-D figures from 2D materials using little but scissors.

    For some insane reason, see the sole available copy on Amazon is going for $212.91. I found a copy in the Hayward Gallery last summer for about 8% of that amount.

    And no, you cannot buy it from me.

  • #a276 :: Plasticene scottie

    enlargeMore than 500 million human beings live in absolute poverty. Right now.

    Their lot is not changing.

    More than 15 million children die of hunger every year. Starve. To. Death.

    How many children is that? Numbers are pretty meaningless when you’re talking about entire nations of people, try but do some math:

    Remember the faces of the kids in your own first-grade class? Remember the fat kid and the anxious kid? The punchy kid and the silly kid and your very best friend in the world who laughed when you ate paste? Now multiply the size of your own first-grade classroom by about 20 … (more…)

  • #a272 :: Grip exerciser

    ENLARGEWhen you’re 9, order you’re already wondering what it means to be a man.

    You ask a lot of questions. A lot of questions.

    You challenge people twice your size to arm-wrestling matches.

    You suddenly take to doing pushups and situps wherever it occurs to you – like on train platforms … (more…)

  • #a271 :: Silver Navajo bracelet

    ENLARGEWhen we were still a-courting, illness she and I drove 2, tadalafil 200 miles around the American southwest in a rented convertible in the space of a week.

    We slept beneath the stars and in seedy motels. We lolled in the open ragtop beneath towering mesas in Monument Valley, order and muggy midnight at Four Corners. We noshed, we joked, we fell deeper in love.

    We shuffled around Santa Fe’s old plaza and gawked at silver and turquoise and blankets and other offerings by Dineh (Navajo) artisans.

    And she bought me this gift. I’ve worn it daily since then (more than 16 years ago) – except for when I’ve had to have it repaired since the silver, under daily abuse, tends to fracture. Just got it fixed again – and I’ll hope it holds.

  • #a269 :: Mini-Tabasco

    ENLARGEThe thinking man’s ketchup.

    I attended the huge Disney Animation Studios wrap party for Bolt (an excellent cartoon, viagra buy by the way) and they were passing these out with the cocktail shrimp.

    It’s barely an inch and a half tall, and enough to salt a pot of soup or – in my case – a dozen pizza slices.

  • #a262 :: Religious medal

    ENLARGEWe hold these things close – our beliefs.

    They guide our acts, page they govern our thoughts, case they control how we vote, ampoule whom we love, what we do in the dark.

    And we bind ourselves to these intangible self-truths with talismans – headdresses, tefillim, hair shirts and medals.

    This is an odd little find – it looks to be celebrating the jubilee of some holy event or other in the year 2000 – and I can’t say I’ll keep it. For though it’s heavy and finely shaped, it speaks for a religion I hold only the deepest, yet most ephemeral ties to.

  • #a259 :: Polly Pocket shoes & handbags

    ENLARGETiny accessories for teensy simulacra, dosage mind these silicone shoelets and bagettes piled up in my daughter’s room until her obsession with Polly Pocket wore off and she tired of them and moved onto a new obsession.

    At some point, here she got it into her head that she could sell them on eBay. I think she’s more excited about selling something on eBay than making any money off them.

    She laid out a neat arrangement – I helped with the shoes – I shot the 14 dolls, 20 dresses, two shirt-and-pants sets (for the two boy dolls) and the tiny furniture, and next week when it’s art/music/internet night again, we’ll put it all up on eBay and see who bites.

    She’s 7.

  • #a256 :: Pill capsule on chain

    ENLARGEMy son seems to have my eye for HLOs. He spotted this anodized aluminum pill container in among the bottle openers at some sporting goods store or Quikie Mart, this and quickly reminded us of his lost allowance so he could buy it. A few days later he attached some discarded pot-metal chain to it and he’s been carrying it around in his pocket ever since. I always stumble across it the few times I do wash (I do the kitchen, viagra sale she does the clothing). Or more to the point, visit this it calls out its attention by smacking the inside of the metal dryer drum through the pocket of his tumbling shorts, where he’s jammed it once again in the morning and abandoned it for more abuse by the wash at night. If he carries anything in it on a regular basis, I’ve never seen it. I think it’s just another cool thing that he likes to carry around.