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#a345 :: Kershaw pocketknife

January 25, 2009

My old Kershaw. I carried it 12 years ago, then laid it down three or four years later after the liner lock quit holding the blade stiff, and the rubber in the handles began to degrade. It’s still an elegant little tool and feels wonderful to open. I hang onto it because, well, you never […]

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#a322 :: Knife

January 1, 2009

A New Year’s Day hike through the Angeles National Forest. Right about here, I walked through a picnic ground and spotted this knife flattened into the mud. Raw-boned, Pakistani-made, its four-inch blade is sharp, held tight between the brass sides. Someone dropped it one night around the fire, everyone else trampled it into the earth […]

Filed under: Found Object, Tool, weapon | Comments (0)

#a185 :: Defender Xtreme “Peramedics Pocket Knife”

August 17, 2008

The second in the series of three birthday knives shimmers with the fetishy beauty of orange anodized aluminum. For just $6.75, the Chinese export company will cough up a decently sharp 4-inch drop-point blade wrapped in satiny orange metal and emblazoned with an enamel “peramedics” (sic) emblem. Bonus features – a seat-belt cutter and tetrahedronal […]

Filed under: Fetish, Tool, weapon | Comments (0)

#a184 :: Maxam “Assisted Opening” Liner Lock Knife

August 16, 2008

Larger image Mom and Dad, being loving, clever parents, took pity upon me after reading about the pocketknife incident. They Googled around and stumbled on BuynSaveDirect.com, a sort of geek-heaven/tactical-weapons porn shop masquerading as a knife’n’flashlight supplier. For barely $7 you can buy (among other things including Tasers and swords) solid, Chinese-made pocket knives in […]

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#43 :: Semiautomatic Clasp Knife

March 20, 2004

Gerber makes wickedly sharp blades. The serrated one, mounted in a teflon-hinged block of sculpted steel, is among the keenest tools I have ever laid hands on (pocketknife #1 – current, collection since age 6). I became addicted to clasps just a week after lugging around a then-new Kershaw and pointedly *not* losing it out […]

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# a426 :: CD opener keychain

April 18, 2009

To someone who uses knives as much as I do, this thing is about as useful as Truck Balls. You press it against the side of a sealed CD or DVD, depressing a spring-loaded cap to reveal a tiny steel blade that slices open the shrink-wrap. They were giving them away today at Amoeba for […]

Filed under: Artifact, Blue, Ephemera, Jetsam, Tool | Comments (0)

#a423 :: Marah Macrocarpeae

April 15, 2009

Or at least that’s what this blog points to. Wild cucumber tastes and looks nothing like its namesake. It is a 4-inch-long, egg-shaped handful of misery, with cactusy spines that puncture your skin if you grip it too tightly. A taste of the juice inside (for they prove to be very juicy when dissected with […]

Filed under: Found Object, Green, Life form | Comments (0)

#a354 :: Club flyer

February 3, 2009

I picked this up from dozens I found scattered on the sidewalk in downtown L.A. the other day. I’m not sure which pisses me off more: that someone blew the cash to have flyers for a one-time event printed in four colors and chromekote only to have someone else throw them all over the ground […]

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#a346 :: Rotring Core ballpoint

January 26, 2009

It used to be Bic Stics, Bic ballpoints, the occasional Shaeffer Bros. throwaway or oddball Pentel gel-tip – whatever. Whatever the newspaper clerks stocked the supply closet with – that’s how I wrote. Tools didn’t matter. The work did. Once I moved out of dead trees and into the trackless wastes of the interwebs, I […]

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#a203 :: McVitie’s Penguin

September 4, 2008

Some snacks leave you teetering on the knife edge between sublimation and indulgence, between having your cake and eating it too. A Penguin taunts you: “Ooo, look, crunchy cho-co-late bis-cuit sheathed in creeeamy cho-co-late, bet you can’t wait to eat me” and simultaneously promises “I won’t last long, I’ll leave you wanting more and if […]

Filed under: Edible, Fetish | Comments (0)

#186 :: “Thunderbird”

August 18, 2008

The decision had cost Daniel. Which is why he was standing here now with this ridiculous knife in his hand. Ankle-deep in all the tools he had yanked from the toolbox and flung to the floor as he rifled fruitlessly for a real weapon. weapons. Both blades out. Ready. Wicked. He tried not to look […]

Filed under: Adornment, Fetish, Objet, Tool, Toy, weapon | Comments (0)

#a178 Gerber Harsey Air Ranger

August 9, 2008

Two odd things about trying to catch up with a “daily” blog that you’ve sorely neglected while traveling like mad is that: a) you’re essentially lying to your users if you don’t admit that things are being backdated; and b) you can’t remember when anything really happened to you, or which objects occurred to you […]

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#a136 :: Metal shavings

June 29, 2008

Buy one large cantilever umbrella to keep the sun from killing you on the deck. Realize it’s too small. Buy two. Realize it would be nice to be able to shift them around the deck, to better block the coruscating sunset. Look for casters. Realize the umbrella stands’ feet aren’t fitted for them. Look for […]

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#a119 :: Broken cleaver

June 12, 2008

I am going to tell you a story now. A man fell in love with a woman. She fell in love back. They married, and to celebrate their marriage, they journeyed to Beijing. They toured the city, mesmerized. They ate rich and pungent food. They heard lush choral music sung by brightly-dressed acrobats in vivid […]

Filed under: Fetish, General, Instrument, Jetsam, Model | Comments (0)

#a90 :: Pull tab

May 13, 2008

“Hold him, Teck, I wanna piss on him.” Boomer loomed over the prostrate sophomore and began unbuckling his pants. Kyle looked up – as much as Teck’s kung-fu grip on his neck would allow, at least – sighed, and resumed staring inches away at the defocused glitter of burst Lowenbrau bottles and Molson caps in […]

Filed under: Adornment, Artifact, Facsimile, Found Object, Jetsam, Microfiction, Part, weapon | Comments (0)

#a48 :: Fishin’ reel

April 1, 2008

Vinny and I went fishing once. My best buddy since 6th grade A/V duty, my (then) future best man. My good friend. Out in his scruffy little 18-foot runabout with the asthmatic Evinrude – or was it a Yamaha – in Long Island Sound. We set out from New London mid-morning, fortified with a cooler […]

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#363 :: Leatherman Squirt

February 12, 2005

I am homo sapiens, a tool user. GRUNT. I feel naked without a blade. Ill-equipped for the day without my pocket knife and PDA. Impotent when faced with a Torx screw that needs budging and a toolbox full of flatheads and Phillipses. I’ve gone through quite a few pocket multitools: the Swiss-Tech Micro-Tech was nice, […]

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#281 :: Nut

November 16, 2004

This nut cheats death. Hard, bitterly hard, it blunts teeth, turns a blade, endures boring by insect and bird. Wild it grows, among the manzanita and chaparral, in a land regularly scoured by wildfire. It is a survival pod for its species, a wild walnut tree that dots Southern California’s scrublands. Like the coconut it […]

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#279 :: Camera Lens Mechanism

November 14, 2004

Fossil from an ancient era, the 20th century, when mass production gave birth to millions of mechanical devices for capturing light. This might as well be the marvelously preserved ocular bone process of a roving sextuped from a clockwork planet – so foreign is it to the modern world of CCD camera sensors, USB ports […]

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#276 :: Mess Kit

November 11, 2004

You’ve been here before: your back to the bricks, outnumbered, outgunned, the truck with your name on it barrelling out of the blackness a split-second from impact, insert your clich&eacute here: A low growl rumbles from the bush. You scrabble in the dark tent for your pants, a flashlight, and one more thing – a […]

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#267 :: Survival tool

November 2, 2004

I must let down the veil a bit here. I don’t always post the HLO on precisely the day it’s dated. Some days, I’m too busy or whipped or uninspired to do it up right, which is why I’m posting this on the 4th and backdating it. Tuesday the 2nd was one of those days, […]

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#257 :: Mat Cutter

October 22, 2004

Crisp framing comes from straight edges, sharp bevels. A great photograph in a crappy mat is nothing more than a sub-par picture. Why bother hanging it. The Logan pull-style mat cutter simplifies it all: measuring, marking, cutting. Framing my own stuff is a hell of a lot cheaper than paying someone else to do it. […]

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#251 :: Calculator keys

October 16, 2004

Conformity. Uniformity. Unity. The practice of manufacture with interchangeable parts. The safety of numbers, the inescapable calculus of logic and reason. Math. Before Honoré Le Blanc, we hand-tooled our machines, crafted unique modifiers of the human condition – guns, printing presses, carriages. Parts were precious, the loss of a single wheel could doom two stagemen, […]

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#242 :: Dummy Round

October 7, 2004

Eager in the way of the gun, we have built this nation on a foundation of weaponry and a steady diet of blood. It’s arguable that this aboriginal tribes did not have to be slaughtered, that the first wave of white Anglo immigrants could have coexisted peacefully with the Naragansett, the Mohicans, the Seminole, had […]

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#232 :: Box Cutter

September 27, 2004

Now available for the first time, you can own a piece of the darkest hour of modern American history! This museum-quality replica of the very weapon that launched America’s War on Terror(TM) is meticulously rendered in vinyl-clad stamped steel, with a razor-like blade and a terrorist-approved pedigree. Made here in the U.S.A., this exquisite piece […]

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